Training in Tenderness by Dzigar Kongtrul

Author:Dzigar Kongtrul
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Shambhala
Published: 2018-05-22T04:00:00+00:00

6

CLINGING TO THE SELF: THE ROOT OF ALL IMPEDIMENTS

In the Dharma, we often speak about the “self” or “ego.” Clinging to this self is said to be the source of all our suffering—and the source of samsara as a whole. When we cling to the self, we automatically feel the need to cherish and protect it. This inevitably leads to experiencing disturbing emotions, such as attachment, aggression, jealousy, arrogance, and stupidity. Driven by these emotions, we continually harm ourselves and others. This is the very formula for samsara. From this point of view, we can see how self-clinging is the opposite of the warm tenderness that naturally flows from an open heart. In fact, it is the root of all impediments to tsewa.

But before we make such claims, we should first look into what is meant by self. There are two main ways we can think about the self. First, we can say that the self is simply the one who experiences. Who is that? It can’t be merely the body, because on its own, the body does not have any experience. At the moment of its conception, at the time the father’s sperm fertilizes the mother’s egg, the single-celled body is infused with consciousness. Without the addition of consciousness, even if the zygote divides successfully and somehow develops into a baby that can be born and grow to adulthood, there will be no one to experience life. It is our consciousness who experiences all the stages of this life and then continues to experience life after life. Our consciousness is the one who wanders in samsara and the one who finds liberation from samsara. As there is no denying this stream of experience, there is no denying a “self” who experiences. But this mere experiencer is not an impediment to tsewa or to anything else.

The self that causes all the problems is something much more than that which experiences. This self is an unconscious, habitual projection of the mind, without any reality. But even though it has no reality, we believe in it strongly, never questioning it. We identify with it and feel it is the most important thing in the universe. This intense, painful clinging to an illusion is the deeper reason we have so much trouble opening our tender heart. But by looking closely at how we project this illusory self, we can gradually free ourselves from our belief and attachment. Then there will be nothing to stop our innate tsewa from flowing exuberantly to all beings.

The illusory self with which we identify has three important characteristics. First of all, it is singular. For example, when you go to a train station, you buy one ticket. Even though you are made of many parts, you don’t think of yourself as plural. When you refer to yourself, you refer to a single person: “me.” Second, this illusory self is unchanging. Even though the body continually changes and the mindstream never remains the same for an instant, we have an unconscious belief in an underlying self that doesn’t change.

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